Listen: Secrets to Better Money Talks

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Welcome to Play That Back, where we spotlight conversations from our main show that are worth a second look.
 

Have you ever noticed how easy it is to talk about almost anything except money? We can spend hours discussing careers, relationships, and life goals, but the moment finances come up, things can get a little, well, challenging.
 

That's why we wanted to revisit this panel discussion featuring voices from different generations and different financial experiences. Together, they explore how our views on money are shaped, why what works for you doesn't always fit someone else’s situation, and how empathy can lead to better conversations.
 

It's a fascinating and eye-opening conversation full of super insightful takeaways. So enough from me. Let's play that back.
 

This is Amy from VCU's Financial Success Center by Virginia Credit Union. I'm sitting down with a small group of folks today to discuss the nuances and intricacies of having productive conversations about money. Before we get started, I'd like everyone to please introduce themselves and provide a little bit of background about yourself as well. So Jason, let's start it off with you.
 

Yeah. So my name is Jason. I was born and raised in Spain and I'm about to graduate from VCU. I have a entrepreneurship side of me where I do photography and videography and then in the corporate world, I do more of like the digital marketing, social media side of things.

My name is Mahan Moradian. I'm a senior at Virginia Commonwealth University graduating in a few days. Super excited. I'm a financial technology major. And after university, I plan on working in financial planning and wealth management.

My name is Angela Agee. I'm a senior marketing manager here at Virginia Credit Union. I also graduated from VCU a while ago, but I've been in, various fields in the marketing industry ever since.
 

Fantastic. Well, I am gonna throw an icebreaker question out here for us, to start things off. So growing up, what topics about money were considered off limits or taboo? And how do you feel those early norms still influence the way you talk about finances today? Angela, I'm gonna start with you on this one.
 

Oh, okay. Yeah. We didn't talk about money, just flat out. I never had conversations with my parents about money, until I was probably out of school, and then maybe I knew what their salaries were or about how much they made.
 

We certainly didn't talk about it amongst like friend groups and really probably still don't just because friends in the same age bracket. We just don't have money conversations or and talk about money woes or anything like that. I just — it always felt a little taboo to talk money, whether it was with family or with friends.
 

And I feel like, when I do have conversations with younger generations, they're a little more open about it. They're certainly open to asking me about anything money related, whether it's salary or credit card debt. So and maybe that's a good thing that that people are opening up a little bit more and having more honest conversations instead of making it a taboo subject.
 

Absolutely. There's definitely a movement, especially on social media that I'm sure you guys have seen as well about salary transparency and how much are people actually making to make it feel a little less scary to talk about. Are there any other trends that maybe you guys have seen as well?
 

For me, personally, kinda on the same note as you.
 

I feel like growing up I didn't talk about money at all. And I come from a family where like money was a very big hardship. And growing up I didn't really see or feel that way till I kinda look back nowadays when I'm like twenty two years old. I think how it affected me is definitely, like, I definitely struggle a lot nowadays, like asking for help or if I'm struggling with something, if I gotta get something paid, I kinda just take it on by myself completely.
 

But it's definitely come to the time now where I've gotten more accustomed to being open, if that makes sense.
 

Yeah. I think similar to what everyone just said, I think talking actual numbers between me and my family was almost sacrilegious growing up. I never knew my parents' income, what debt they had, what expenses they had. And if I had a big, big expense that they were providing for, I never knew how much it cost.
 

No matter how many times I asked, I was a very curious kid growing up. I was always asking my dad like how much do you make, how many how much do other people make, and he never told me. I think the curiosity came from a good place. I was just trying to figure out how the world worked and I think similarly to me a lot of kids are curious growing up and trying to figure stuff out like that.
 

But I think it's very common for parents not to want to talk about stuff like that and I think that strays away kids from having those conversations with their peers.

And that's maybe one of the reasons why there's a gap between the level of financial literacy kids in their teens should have and what they do actually have.
 

But I think now you said there's trends where kids are feeling more open about talking about those things. I definitely do see that. Me and my friends are completely comfortable talking about it whereas my parents they would have never told me a single thing.
 

So as a takeaway, I think that we would all agree that those early conversations or maybe even the lack thereof have really had quite an influence on our lives going forward.
 

So my first question after the icebreaker, when you think about the financial lessons that you learned growing up, what's one experience that shaped your relationship with money and how do you share that story today without comparing it to somebody else's? Mahan, we're gonna start with you.
 

I wanna give praise to a lot of experiences, but the one I have to give the most praise is my first job. For some context, I was fifteen years old. It was summer time and I needed some money so I started working at a local moving company. I hadn't got introduced to the gym at that time yet, so moving big furniture especially those electric couches — if you've never moved one I'm telling you right now they're so dang heavy. I definitely thought in many situations where breaking my back was definitely a possibility.
 

So very hard summer and during that time all my friends were hanging out and they're you know playing soccer — all things that I would have much rather been doing.
 

And I think what that job and having that first job taught me was before I had that job I mostly thought of money in terms of what it can buy and after I realized what it really costs to earn money and the effort that people have to put in to earn twelve, fifteen dollars. And I think it gave me perspective because you never know what someone has done to earn their fair share. And I think that that's really shaped the way that I approach, you know, working with students as a financial coach at the Financial Success Center.

I really try and, you know, understand that everyone has their unique situation. I think that's super important.
 

Yeah. So I think one takeaway that I would — that I hear you saying — is that when you're talking about money, it's really important to share your experiences without comparing them to other people's. Yeah. For sure.
 

So my next question for you, Jason. When a younger person brings up a financial challenge, like rent, debt, or saving, what kinds of questions do you think are most helpful to ask before jumping in with advice?
 

I would think of a couple questions. The first one would just be what obligations do you have? Like, if you're helping your family out, obviously rent, groceries, how much you spend a month? Like, what is pretty much like the needs separating between the wants, if that makes sense?

Other than that, I think, another question would be like what are your goals like? Do you wanna save for a house? Are you comfortable with just being in an apartment? Things of that nature.
 

So I think it's really big on just background and what that person is pursuing, personally.
 

For sure. I was really excited the other day when my kindergartner came home with some homework that said, “What is a want versus what is a need?”
 

So they're teaching it really young these days which is a really good thing.
 

So I think definitely a takeaway is to ask some questions before offering advice and that could, you know, impact and be a more meaningful discussion that we all have. Alright, Angela. Your turn. So every generation faces its own financial landscape. What do you think is unique about the landscape younger adults are dealing with now? And how can recognizing that shape more empathetic conversations?
 

So I am a different generation than, than you all on this on this podcast. And I would say, you know, I think it's just dramatically harder in general right now. I mean, thinking back twenty or so years ago, when I was out of school buying my first house that I could afford at that time, because housing prices weren't what they were now based on a salary that was provided to me that, you know, made sense in the in the time that it was it was happening. I just think that they're the rate of inflation and the cost of everything just continues to skyrocket where salaries have tended to plateau for a lot of folks.
 

And so, you know, I'm thinking about you all coming out of school and, like, how reasonable would it be for you to buy a house and be able to afford a house and everything that goes along with it that's just outside of the mortgage in itself. So I try to really think about that and think about, or remember, that, I don't know, life just seemed a little simpler back then than it does now, and at least in the financial landscape and maybe what is expected to of young adults. Like, I feel like maybe, parents are still thinking like, well, “Why can't you do all the things that we were able to do?” And it's kind of like, “Well, because it's a lot less affordable than it was then.”

And that's just something that's always kind of top of mind, having friends with, you know, children in their twenties who are coming out of school and trying to make all of that happen. And it's just a struggle.
 

Would you all like to comment?
 

Yeah. First off, I just want to say shout out Gen Z.
 

I'll say that I agree with everything she said. It's the cost of living independently right now is higher than it's ever been. And it's not just one thing. It's rent. It's the cost of owning a car. It's student debt. It's insurance. It's groceries.
 

And in addition to the high cost of living, I think that it doesn't help that we're in a hyper competitive job market. So we have people graduating from college who have taken out loans to get through college who have no way of paying it off because they have no job after college. And in addition to that I also want to add that comparison is the thief of joy more than ever right now. I think because of the influx of short form content we're always comparing ourselves to like hundreds of different people every day and I think that it's very easy for people my age to feel like they're you know behind in life. Whereas maybe people from past generations you, I assume you guys were comparing yourself to your coworkers and the people around you, whereas when you're comparing yourself to hundreds of people who are only showing like the most luxurious parts of their lives not the credit card debt that comes with it or maybe it's not even their car that they're posing with.

You never know. So it's unrealistic comparisons that are making people feel left behind and I've seen that in the people I've talked to. So I think it's just, it's rough out here for Gen Z but I think we're doing our best and a lot of people are figuring it out by going to live with their parents after college, which seems like I'm seeing a lot of right now.

Can I — can I tack on to that? Yeah. Please, please.
 

I can't I am thankful every single day that we did not have social media when I was in my twenties.
 

Because to your point, you know, we were all excited for each other when we got jobs in our field or, you know, I mean, there was very little competition, because we were comparing in such a small social circle. So we didn't feel like we weren't getting to the right level that we needed to be at a given age because we weren't exposed to just masses amount of content and people who may be doing the thing, but maybe they're doing the thing just for social media. So I think that is an extra layer of anxiety producing, you know…I don't know. I don't know what to call it, but that's added on for you all at this same time where it's like you can't just focus on your yourself because you're inundated with what everybody else in the world is doing, not just perhaps in in your friend group.
 

Definitely. I think for me, I definitely haven't compared myself, which I'm very glad of, but I definitely agree that it has been with social media definitely has been like a big thing comparing yourself to get rich in ten days or whatever type of scheme it is. But for me, honestly, it was kinda what you were saying earlier, Mahan, was that the, like the comp-competitive side of things with the job market and everything, it kinda takes away from you even taking out a student loan or even being the worth of going to school because while you're in a school, have to do two to three jobs. 
 

And when you're in school you're supposed to have free time to go to like networking events, go to-go get a certification, go look at a speaker, things of that nature. So I think for me that's definitely more of the side of things where I kind of struggled off in school. But luckily I didn't take out like any loans or anything like that. It was just more of wasn't able to take the best of all the opportunities that were presented to me.
 

Sure.
 

So I think, as a takeaway to all of those really great points that, you know, understanding today's financial constraints and landscape provides better context for more productive talks, you know, amongst all of our generations.
 

So my last question for the group.
 

Can you share a moment when learning more about someone's financial situation or about modern financial tools helped shift your perspective from judgment to understanding? Mahan, I'm gonna let you start us off on this one.
 

Yeah. I'd be happy to answer. I think it's rather than one moment, it's a combination of moments. It's kind of taught me an overarching lesson.
 

For some context, I'm a financial coach at the VCU Financial Success Center. I've worked there for two years. It's been my favorite job ever.
 

Shout out Amy, she's my boss.
 

And through that, I've had appointments with students where I give them some action items to go work on after our appointment and there's been times where they come back for the second appointment and they've made no progress towards any of the action items that I've given them.

And that used to leave me very confused, I thought it was apathy or irresponsibility or maybe laziness that was to blame.
 

But I didn't realize the feeling of “overwhelmth” that people feel when looking at you know overdue bills or balances or credit that they have to pay off. And I think I realized that a lot of times it's not a perfect budget that I need to create. It's creating an environment where they feel calm enough and confident enough to tackle those things on head first or head on and, that's been a huge lesson just because all the technical stuff is good and all the numbers are great.
 

But I think the human side, which you guys emphasize so much, is even more important and making people feel confident and comfortable has been probably the most important thing that I've learned through that job.
 

Definitely. To even backtrack, what you were saying is for me what I've learned most is perspective, I would say. Definitely. Not even perspective as in if somebody's making less than somebody else but perspective kind of how I saying earlier. What are your goals?
 

What are you looking to achieve? Things of that nature. Because somebody could be happy just living in like Spain only paying like nine hundred rent and that's it. But somebody else's, normal might be six figure job or something of that nature.
 

So for me it's definitely been learning perspectives and that money is worth to a specific individual differently than any other individual.

You know, I think, again, we have all of these digital tools at our fingertips, which also allow us to see more human experiences out there than, again, just in a in a smaller social circle. So I, you know, I think about some of the data that I'm kind of inundated with constantly, and that's like two different things. It's, you know, the average family of four and what they live on. And then there could be the GoFundMe's for people who are, you know, struggling to pay a medical bill.
 

And I, you know, I think about those kind of situations and how it's much more prevalent to be aware of strangers' situations and the struggles that they're going through, again, because of the age that we live in and all of the “digitalness” in front of us at every given second. And so I really try to lean in on my one of my top strengths of empathy to understand other people's situations and not judge, and just not judge, period, because we all have, you know, different desires and needs. And, again, you know, to your point, lots of people are very happy living a much more modest lifestyle.
 

And particularly, they may be able to do that in other countries easily or more easily than they can here. And, you know, others are really chasing that almighty dollar and good for them. But I think overall, it's again just being aware of different circumstances and different situations and understanding that we all are so very different and finances can be so impactful, whether it's, you know, a certain struggle or something else. It just, it's really helped me to just kind of, again, put aside some biases I may have had at an earlier age and really kind of lead with empathy when thinking about other people's situations.
 

For sure. I'm gonna jump in on this one too. So in my role at the VCU Financial Success Center by VACU, I don't meet with students very regularly. That's what Mahan and our group of peer coaches do.
 

But occasionally, I'll come across one or two that need an extra level of care or concern. And there was one student that I ended up running into after a presentation one day, and we were talking about her budget and what that looked like. And this student was, you know, spending more than half of her monthly income on a vehicle. So the car payment was over seven hundred dollars.
 

They had obviously the insurance to pay for that and then they were paying parking to come, you know, drive that to VCU every day. And we talked about, “Hey, you're spending, you know, close to a thousand dollars on this vehicle. There's a probably you could find a much smaller car, a much more affordable payment.” And then when we dug down into that a little bit deeper, it was because this person had been in an abusive relationship before, and so their car was their safety net to be able to get out of that situation.
 

So for them, it was worth it to them to spend that much money on the car and the expense because it was their way of feeling safe in some really scary situations. And that for me was one of the really big eye opening moments that it's not, to your point, Mahan, just about the numbers, right, that are on the spreadsheet or, you know, right in front of us, but more about the human behind it and how that impacts their life and their decisions and their mental health sometimes as well. So I think all of us have learned that, you know, we need to encourage education over judgment so that we can keep everybody on the same page.
 

Well, thank you all so much. I really appreciate it, and thank you for having us on the Virginia Credit Union podcast.
 

Pay That Bill is a podcast designed to entertain and, more importantly, educate. The show is produced by Virginia Credit Union and is developed alongside our award winning financial education team. We have a library full of free resources available online that can help you on your journey to financial success. If you want to learn more about what we talked about today, check out the links we have in the description of this episode.
 

The information provided in Pay That Bill is for educational and informational purposes only and should not be considered financial advice. While we aim to share helpful insights and general strategies, every listener's financial situation is unique. Please consult with a qualified professional for any investment or financial advice. The hosts and guests of this podcast are not responsible for any outcomes resulting from actions taken based on the content discussed.